India, irrespective of being the land of diversity, religion, mountains, festivals, rivers, and a lot of other garbage that a conventional essay book has, is a land of hypocrisy too.
It is almost a bucket full of crabs. No crab gets out because it is a natural tendency of the little being to clamp down on things and pull them back. If I can’t have it, neither can you!
The double standards of Indians as a society come to the forefront in the face of uncomfortable situations.
Let me iterate a first-hand experience.
About three months ago, I came out of an almost three-year-long relationship. It was hard, but I had the best intentions of my former partner in my head. I tried to be cooperative, I tried to hide, I tried to not be seen.
All of this was to ease the process of him moving on.
Apparently, those around him did not wish so. Making his and eventually my life a living hell.
Hate breeds hate
Research studies indicate that hate breeds hate, the more depressing conversations one engages in, the more gossip is passed around, and the harder it is to come out of the vicious cycle of sadness that people usually find themselves in. But you knew that already, didn’t you? We did not need a bunch of scientists to tell us that so and so friend talking things (and not so good things) about your former partner will eventually not help you. It will lead you to think more about them, ponder and ruminate.
But, it is a sad fact that our parents have failed utterly to instill in us the capacity to ‘keep our noses out of other people’s businesses.
Gossip was passed around, with people taking double dips. It did not do any good (and on a personal level, I do not think it was meant to be good or soothing in the first place).
What should you do?
Just learn to see through people (I will be adding a link in the references). Trust me, it is a skill that you would want to learn. It is a skill that will take you through the ups and downs of life and will come to your aid at the most shaking, uncertain, and crucial parts of your life- be it choosing a teacher or a partner, you WILL want to know the kind of person they are behind the curtain. If you see someone who is a potential source of breeding hate in your life, just cull the diseased one before the whole flock catches the flea.
Do not be a crab
Let’s just eat the frog, some people just cannot see others happy. Those people can be our friends (the jealous type who would not inform you about the updated class timings because “you didn’t ask”), acquaintances (who seem to be an endless source of support because they thrive on word of the mouth), or just some random people who drop in to see the drama.
What should you do?
Be indifferent. The book titled ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ is not a best-seller for no reason. Being an empath is good, but protecting yourself must come first.
The Hypocrisy
People do things that they would detest if the same things were done to them (I am guilty here). But that is just people being people. Hypocrisy, as an attribute, inflicts harm of unmatchable extent to those who practice it and those upon whom it is practiced. There is a whole article on it (among many others) published by The Guardian.
I saw people who were supposedly ‘happily married’ but still cheated on their partner talk about things they should not. I saw people who themselves were never in a relationship but were comfortable sharing their NSFW media with my former partner and passed it off as ‘just friends being goofy’ pass comments on my decision to take my own separate path.
There was a considerable crowd who saw things from a pedestal and felt completely fine passing on judgements in not-so judicial language.
What should you do?
Nothing, really. It is their fault, they must correct it.
Afterword:
The world is a harsh place and there are very few patches of comfort in it. Try to seek shelter to those (easier said than done but must be done).
Go back to friends you lost over time, seek therapy, and develop hobbies.
Keep yourself busy, you will come out to be a better person.
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